Kurt the Turt-le

Kurt Vonnegut in animal form.

     Kurt Vonnegut is a human. What if he wasn't? He'd be a turtle. My Three S's will explain my reasoning for this transfiguration:

1. Slow

Turtles on average walk at a speed of about 0.09 m/s, which is about 0.2 miles/hour, which is about 450 feet in 25 minutes. It took Vonnegut 23 years to write SH5. I'd say they both fall under the definition of slow. One of the main reasons why turtles walk so slow is because of the heavy shell that they always have to carry around on their backs since it's part of their skeleton. The shell of a turtle represents Vonnegut's' "shell-shock" (pun intended). The dark gray cloud of emotional scars that was always hovering over Vonnegut contributed to why it took so long to complete the writing of SH5. It was attached to him and he didn't even want to look back on his war memories in the first place. The suffering was almost dragging him down in a way, yet he didn't stop for 23 grueling years.

2. Solitary

Most turtles are solitary creatures. They usually live/travel alone unless during mating season or laying egg season (I don't really know what it's called). Most are aggressive and/or territorial if they are with others as well. Vonnegut was not exactly the "social butterfly" and that wasn't important to him. He was independent, he didn't rely on others so much and he took responsibility for his own actions. However, just because he wasn't social doesn't exactly mean that he was looking for a fight. I feel that he kept most of his emotions bottled up inside of him, almost mysterious.  

3. Suspense

Could you imagine watching a scary movie starring an evil vengeful turtle? "Oh no, evil turtle's coming to get me!"...no. It wouldn't even be considered a scary movie because you'll always see him coming. It's not like the victim is going to stand there and wait until evil turtle crawls on over and attacks. Similarly, Vonnegut had no taste for suspense. As we all witnessed in SH5, Vonnegut revealed the beginning and ending and whatever else in between of the story in just the first chapter. He didn't believe in it, because he didn't want us so focused and anticipative on what would happen next.

"There is no beginning, no middle, no end, no suspense, no moral, no causes, no effects. What we love in our books are the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time."
-Kurt Vonnegut